NOBODY

I tell puns and stories.

Many people are unable to speak. Not because they don't have a voice, but because they can't reach that voice. That's why they suffer in silence.

I want to be that voice so that I can help people feel heard. Its not nice when you are not being listened to.

Lets look at me. I grew up in an environment where I was never listened to, ridiculed when I spoke and even told point blank that nobody wants to listen to me. I would also be told how I speak is annoying.

So I used to shout. You would listen to me by force, hear me by force. Until one day I decided that people do not need to know my truth if they won't listen, I won't force anyone to listen. I would say what I wanted to say even if people talked over me or told me to shut up or acted violently. Then I would leave once I said what I wanted to say. 

Over time, you learn that a number of people just want to fight you. They will provoke you by all means necessary. These people don't always tend to be strangers, with an unfortunate stroke of luck they will be your immediate family members.

I always stood up for myself ever since I was a child, but not really. There was a point where I waited for someone to come and save me. Nobody did, and the day I understood that nobody was ever coming was the day I decided to be the one to save me.

Unfortunately, when you defend yourself you end up being labelled the bad guy. Look at the girls and women in prison for attempted murder or manslaughter because they defended themselves from an oppressor. "You should have asked for help...You should have run away...You should have persevered..." That's what they are told because in self defense they ended up sending their oppressor to the underworld. They have all the physical scars, all the proof. Nobody is looking at the pain caused to them, nobody cares. That's the same thing that happens when you defend yourself and refuse to take anyone's disrespect. You stand up for yourself and now you are the bad guy.

Nobody believes you are innocent. Nobody believes you are suffering when you finally open up. In fact, people cut you off simply for opening up. They even tell your oppressors what you shared with them. They go gossip about you, telling people what you told them. You reached out, you made sure not to hurt anybody.

All you wanted was to be away, safe and at peace.

I am Michelle Anyango.